It was mid afternoon and I was standing in the bakery line of our local Quik Spar waiting to purchase two fresh afternoon baked chocolate croissants and a cup of black coffee.
The State of Disaster had just been revoked, the Covid 19 scamdemic was over, well nearly, and yet the fear propaganda had worked and most were still social distancing and wearing masks.
Not me though, no mask for me. But this was nothing unusual as I had refused to wear a mask throughout the lockdown and being a fifteen year odd customer the owner accommodated me having learned over the years that I was eccentric. Just leave the grumpy old Paratrooper veteran alone, he’s no trouble whatsoever.
Kommandant Karen didn’t agree, the rules were the rules. I’d noticed Karen before, she may have been a local, or more probably she came to our equestrian area to exercise her horse or horses because she was always in riding gear, real riding gear with her riding crop tucked in her riding boot, which was obviously never used; it was part of her planned dom look.
Masked up Karen was in her early forties, a very desirable age, la, la, la, la, la la and she was in good nick; she took good care of herself. She’d obviously been riding but she’d refreshed her makeup in her Range Rover before shopping at the Spar. Her grade twelve daughter was in tow, collected from school, her eighteen year old legs wrapped in her grade nine school skirt. Her hair was loose; she was more her father’s child, her eyes wild and inquisitive behind her mask. Girls just wanna have fun. She was bored….
Karen strode up to me, while just minding my own business in the bakery line, and not bothering anyone and social distancing to boot. “You’re not wearing a mask” she commanded, prodding me in the chest while being careful not to break a nail.
“How observant” I replied. “Well you should be wearing a mask, it’s the law” she insisted. “No, it’s not the law….” I started but was shouted down. “IT’S THE LAW AND I THINK I RECOGNIZE YOU AND I’M GOING TO REPORT YOU!”
The bakery line was silent, the croissant server paused with croissant held in the serving tongs, in transit to its packaging; he knows me well, perhaps he knew Karen as well? This was gonna be good……
“Madam” I said slowly, deliberately and clearly”; “You probably do recognize me, I do porn; you probably recognize me from my vids or my OnlyFans web page. Would you like an autograph? I will sign wherever you want me to….wherever, even in private.
Karen flushed bright scarlet…. She watched porn, it was a dead giveaway. She spun on her heel as only Karens can and headed for the exit. “Portia, after me!”
But Karen’s daughter Portia was transfixed. Her ear loop mask was now off, and she instinctively did the hair thingy women do while looking as me as intently as Francoise Hardy’s character did at her potential racing driver lover in the classic movie Grand Prix. Portia was looking at her mother’s porn star and she felt vindicated, liberated.
“PORTIA!” Karen grabbed her daughter’s arm, unintentionally spinning her around into a display of discounted pots and pans which all came crashing down as did Karen and Portia. The store owner and been alerted and was present and the store staff were scrambling to restore some order and to extract Karen and Portia from the pots and pans melee.
The bakery line was silent, there was an awkward pause; the croissant server had dropped both the croissant and the serving tongs. After what seemed like an eternity, but what could only have been a few seconds, the tiny grey haired lady standing in line in front of me turned toward me and asked in all naive honesty. “Do you REALLY do porn dearie?”
“Nah…. of course not” I answered.
The bakery line erupted like Djokovic acing Nadal for championship point in straight sets. The masks came off, the croissant server slammed the counter so hard that doughnuts, muffins and various bread rolls now lay intermingled on the bakery floor.
No one minded one little bit including the store owner, this was a small FREEDOM victory.
Awesome it gave me a good chuckle 😃
Love it!